Dating During Adoption

I’ve been thinking a lot about love, lately. I think it has very little to do with the adoption, but probably a lot to do with the fact that I’m preparing my life and my home for a family; I’m settling down.

I don’t feel any pangs of regret or need to have the husband before I adopt. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I think I’m just simply ready to find a long-term love. I’m finding my thoughts constantly wandering towards that warm, adoring, safe place that is being in love. It sure would be nice to have someone around to share my life with.

The timing is really unfortunate, because I can’t very well start dating right now. When would I possibly have the time to weed through potential mates? And what would I say to them about the adoption? Then there’s the more complicated matter of introducing them to the children. These kids are going to take a very long time to settle in and become comfortable and secure as a family, it wouldn’t be fair to throw an additional person into the mix, especially if that person was still a question mark in my mind. No, the whole idea seems out of place. Dating will have to wait.

I wonder then, how do the rest of the single mother’s go about dating? What will I be facing once my children are in a good enough place that I can put myself out there again? Is there ever a “good time” to add someone your family, and how do you go about doing it? Of course, my situation is unique so there will be differences, but there’s no point reinventing the wheel.

2013 on Fire

Twenty-thirteen has been another big year for me. The year started off pretty stressful; I was at a job I absolutely hated going to every day, I struggled with managing my dad’s estate and the related expenses, I went to therapy to work through feelings of resentment towards my mother, I broke up with Levi after much contemplation and my neighbours were causing trouble.

By fall I seemed to have found some peace. I moved jobs to something I enjoy more, in a friendlier environment. I sold my dad’s property which kicked off the closing of the estate and pay-out of my inheritance which I used to purchase my first home, a four-bedroom + den duplex in the suburbs near my family. My relationship with my mom seems to have gotten much better. I found peace with the past through therapy and have done my best to let things go. She’s working hard on being my mother and my friend, and she’s been my biggest support as I proceed through the domestic adoption process which kicked off when I submitted my application in April. Levi and I have managed to remain casual friends, we text on occasion and exchange pleasantries.

As the snow starts to fall, I have moved in, renovated my bathroom, painted my bedroom and gotten mostly settled into the new house. I’ve completed the next step in the adoption paperwork, met a few people who are going through the same life-changing process, and am getting ready for Christmas with my family.

Moving into 2014, I’m expecting the year to be mostly focused on the adoption process. In January I have five mandatory parental training days. After that I’ll begin the home study process and hopefully by spring I’ll be in the system and waiting to be matched with my future children. I’m not sure how long the matching process will take, but once it is complete I’ll be shifting into parental leave and mommy-hood within a few days. From there, who knows what the remainder of the year will bring.

I expect I’ll do some other projects around the house next year, but they’ll be small in nature and likely tailored more towards functionality than cosmetic or repair work.

I don’t anticipate my love life revving up anytime soon. Just the thought of starting a romance while I’m working through the adoption process sounds complicated and exhausting. Once the kids are settled in and attaching well, I’ll consider opening myself up to the idea of romance again. In the meantime, it’s just me and a bottle of wine by the fire, watching “The Holiday”.

Vacations next year will pretty much be on the fly as well. I don’t think I’ll have the time or money for a real vacation and once the kids come we’ll need to stay close to home. I might take a staycation in February or March, and I wouldn’t mind investing in a small trailer to tow behind my Jeep so the kids, the dogs and I can all pack up and road trip to the island to visit my BFF. I think the kids would really like it, and there are plenty of lakes and kid attractions along the way.

I guess, reflecting on what I’ve written so far, 2013 was sort of a transitional year. As always, I’m very much looking forward to what’s in store.

Here’s What I Expect From You

This post can also be permanently found on the new “Expectations of my Readers” page, which can be found in the top menu of my home page.

Here’s what I expect from you, as a reader of my blog:

Respect: Negative or derogatory comments will not be tolerated. This is a place where mutual respect is expected and anyone not willing to accept that will be blocked from commenting. That said, I love receiving comments from my readers, so please don’t be afraid to respectfully do so. I do my best to respond to all of the comments I’m left.

Understanding: I have been hesitant to share details of my romantic relationship with the blogsphere this time around. In the past I’ve done what most girls do and I’ve vented via my blog or to my friends about parts of my relationship that frustrate me, and it was sometimes received as though I wasn’t happy in my relationship(s). Please understand that what I write here is my story, version of events and feelings, being expressed my way due to past or present experiences. Every relationship has ups and downs, as well as strong and weak points. The main purpose of this blog is for me to work out those weak points and to share and learn so that I may become better at being someone’s significant other, and develop the strongest, healthiest relationship possible.

No Judgement: I do my best to live my life without judging others choices or life paths. I am not perfect at it. This is a difficult task and is something I consciously have to do every day. Trying to remember that we are all only human and a product of our environment, helps me to be compassionate to others and even to relate to them. I may not agree with the decisions of my friends or some of my fellow bloggers, but I respect them and I do my best to accept them as they are. Please make the same effort for me.

Communication: I love receiving comments and emails from my readers. I especially love to hear your stories and experiences, which might be similar to mine. If you’re not comfortable leaving a comment on my blog, please feel free to email me  directly at intriguemeblogs (at) gmail (dot) com.