The signs of demise; unforeseen by my heart and overlooked by my mind. The end of he and I has long since come and gone, and the fragments of my heart have begun to heal.
Slowly, he has slipped from my every day. Only sporadically does he enter my daydreams uninvited. No longer does the mere daylight remind me of our love. Now, I am free to live without his shadow. My days are full of distractions and blissful indifference.
But as I sleep, I am still haunted by his absence.
If you’ve been following along on my adoption journey, please take the time to click to the new FACES blog and check out my first contributing post.
FACES for Alberta is a new organization just getting off the ground. Created by some new friends of mine, they’re in the process of developing a website and reaching out to adoptive parents and those who support them.
When I started brainstorming for this post, I was certain it was going to be about the aspect of myself I wanted to improve throughout the course of next year. I was circling around the word “discipline”, something I greatly lack in my life, but creating discipline where there simply is none seemed like a mountain in front of me. I’m not really much into climbing mountains these days (if only I was more disciplined). Instead, I landed on the word “efficient”. Efficient as in, finding ways to work with my own personality traits – the ones I already have – to make my life as efficient as possible.
Heading into adoption this year, I know there will be plenty of opportunity to be self criticizing as I become overwhelmed with the new responsibilities in my life. There’s no need to start that now. I know that I am a good person with plenty of positive personality traits. I’m strong, I’m capable, I’m loving and compassionate. So what if I lack discipline or have a tendency to be a little irritable or lazy sometimes? I can work with those. I can set strategies in place that will help me to not become irritable, or to create an “out” when I need a lazy escape from the new day-to-day responsibilities. I can create efficiencies for a productive and happy life while still embracing all of my traits – the good, and the bad.