If you’ve been following along on my adoption journey, please take the time to click to the new FACES blog and check out my first contributing post.
FACES for Alberta is a new organization just getting off the ground. Created by some new friends of mine, they’re in the process of developing a website and reaching out to adoptive parents and those who support them.
I shared some information that I shouldn’t have. The person I shared it with then used that information to their advantage, in the process, making it obvious that I had shared the information in the first place.
As I lie here in bed wondering how I could have been so stupid, I realize that it is my faults that are also my biggest assets.
I am too trusting, I always have been; I want to believe the best of people and I can’t fathom how anyone could purposely hurt someone in order to benefit themselves. It’s this quality that gets me burned, time and time again, but it’s also this ability to trust that allows me to open my heart and let people in. It’s also the reason I’m an optimist and how I’ve won some big emotional battles.
I am mothering. I put myself into compromising positions because I believe someone else will benefit from my guidance and experience. Often this makes me vulnerable to being taken advantage of, but the same as being too trusting, this also has its upside. If I did not have that mothering/nurturing nature then I wouldn’t have the patience required to guide, teach or mentor as is my passion for helping people reach their full potential.
If I didn’t have these qualities then I wouldn’t be who I am, so in the end I suppose I’d rather be true to myself than change.
I’ve decided that now is the time to tell my boss about my plans to adopt. Legally in Alberta, you need to give six weeks notice prior to taking maternity/parental leave. Adoption makes things a little more complicated because a) you don’t know when you’ll get a match, and b) you don’t know how long the transition will take. Thankfully, the law does give some flexibility because of these circumstances. I’m currently ~ten weeks away from knowing if I will be approved or not. As soon as that day hits, there is a potential for a match. I think ten weeks is fair notice for my employer, especially when I consider that a pregnant woman would typically be giving several months of forewarning.
Do you have any idea what it’s like, trying time and time again to find a slot in your boss’ schedule? I’ve been trying to track him down all morning. Every time I work up the courage to walk into his office, he’s not there, and I can tell I’ve just missed him because his screen is still on. I guess I’ll just have to try again tomorrow. I hope my nerves don’t get the better of me in the meantime.
I imagine that even double income families feel this stress, but I can only speak from a single parent perspective. I’m as best prepared as I’m ever going to be, but I am terrified of losing my job to another round of layoffs. I’m concerned that opening up about my plans to adopt will put me on the termination list, and I can’t raise a family without an income. I’m also afraid that springing it on them at the last minute could prove bad for office relationships when I return to work. It’s sort of a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” type situation, so I’ll take the chance and hope for the best.
Meanwhile, aside from preparing to share the news at work, I’ve been getting all of the adoption training completed and preparing for my next home visit and the start of the home study process on February 4th. I have a feeling that the next two months are going to be hectic and frustrating. I’m praying that everything goes smoothly, that no one loses my paperwork or goes on vacation while they’re supposed to be approving my file. I hope my house stays clean between each home visit and that my dogs don’t make jerks of themselves in front of anyone important.
I’m quite proud of myself for having the courage to be a little more outgoing than I’m comfortable with, and making new friends who are in the same place as me. I joined a meetup.com group of people both going through the process and post-placement, and I made some connections during the training. This gives me confidence that I’ll be able to stand up and advocate for my children when I need to. I will have the courage to be their voice when they can’t speak for themselves (or shouldn’t have to).