Not in a Nutshell

Progress has been made! Holy smokes, if I didn’t know any better I’d think my head is about to blow off.

I’ve had this theory for many years now… when you want your life to change, if you’re stuck in a rut, you have to shake it up by moving one thing out of sync. It interrupts the entire cycle and before you know it, new things are unfolding everywhere.

I’ve had a suspicion for a while now that all of these things I’ve been anticipating were all going to happen at once. It drew on and on and now, finally, its happened. I’ve sold my father’s property, the estate is in the final closing stages, and my landlord just gave me notice that the rent is going up ($200 bucks!!) January 1st, so I’ll be giving my notice in November and searching for my first “owned” property and *insert deep breath here* I’m 8th in the queue at the adoption agency so they’ll be scheduling my first home visit in a month or so.

The next ninety days are going to be jammed packed. Somebody better be ready with the vodka.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~Henry David Thoreau

I felt a great sense of accomplishment today as I registered for more university courses. I completed my first course last week and I’ll complete certificate one of two by mid-September. By the end of the year I’ll have both certificates resulting in the formal education I need to position myself for a leadership position at work. Yesterday, I got a phone call from someone at the adoption centre, to verify some information for my criminal record check. I’m hopeful that this means the intake worker is finally reviewing my application, after 9 weeks of waiting. Last month I looked at seven homes for sale, and I took the next step towards closing out my father’s estate. It feels great knowing that my plan is coming together. I tend to be great at the planning phase but not so good at the execution, but these are things I’m passionate about; things I really want.

Today one of my best friends received the key to her new home. This happened shortly after a long awaited career move. In September, my family will welcome the first baby of our generation (born to one of my cousins). My best friend is on her second career and her oldest son just got his learner’s license. A couple of my friends are getting divorced, and a lot more are showing their age on their faces. Seeing these milestones makes me really proud; proud of our accomplishments and proud of our mistakes. I’m proud that we’re doing the things we always dreamed of, and that things are panning out just as we’d always hoped and often felt neglected by. That girl who thought no one would ever love her has found the love of her life. That couple who worked so hard to buy a home finally has. That eighteen year old staring into the eyes of her newborn baby boy has raised him well.

It’s so great to see where we’re ending up, and the direction we’re building our lives.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~Henry David Thoreau

After Tomorrow

There’s only another four-six weeks before I expect to hear from the social worker about scheduling my first home visit / interview. After that, I expect the process will seem to go a lot faster. I’m already feeling the nerves kick in from time to time, as I realize there’s only a month left of my life as a single girl, free as a bird. After that first contact, I think it will seem so much more real. Despite my nerves, I still feel good about my decision to adopt. A little panicky sometimes, but I think that’s probably normal when one is on the verge of making a permanent and life changing decision.

I have great news. I finally got the paperwork I needed in order to submit my Dad’s final tax return. I know taxes don’t seem like fantastic news, but this is the beginning of the last chapter in closing out my Dad’s estate, and moving on with my life post his death. It’s also great news because once the estate is closed, my brother is going to buy my half of our Dad’s place, and I will use my share to purchase my own home… a home where I’ll raise my children. In all likelihood, the timing of my home purchase and adoption will coincide, and I must admit that I’m a bit nervous about taking it all on at once. I hope I have a few months to settle into home ownership before I have to settle into motherhood as well.

I’ve been doing as much as I can to prepare for motherhood. I’ve read a few books. I’ve thought about the logistics. I’ve told my family, and I’ve asked for their support. Despite our strained past, I think my mother and I have finally found a place to bond. I asked her outright if she’d be able and willing to support me (emotionally, as well as with things like after school and emergency care) and her response was an enthusiastic “absolutely!”. I’ve never heard my mother so excited about anything I’ve done. I truly believe she’s going to flourish in the role of a grandmother. Maybe she’ll make up for all those years she really sucked as a mom. We’ve had some pretty in depth conversations as of late. I’ve been able to open up to her about my fears and concerns, and about the practicalities and obstacles I’ll face as a single mother, and for once she’s actually encouraged me and provided me with support and suggestions. Mom’s never been like this before. It gives me comfort knowing that my family will be backing me fully, and that me and my children will have the supports we need. After all, it takes a village…