The signs of demise; unforeseen by my heart and overlooked by my mind. The end of he and I has long since come and gone, and the fragments of my heart have begun to heal.
Slowly, he has slipped from my every day. Only sporadically does he enter my daydreams uninvited. No longer does the mere daylight remind me of our love. Now, I am free to live without his shadow. My days are full of distractions and blissful indifference.
But as I sleep, I am still haunted by his absence.
If you’ve been following along on my adoption journey, please take the time to click to the new FACES blog and check out my first contributing post.
FACES for Alberta is a new organization just getting off the ground. Created by some new friends of mine, they’re in the process of developing a website and reaching out to adoptive parents and those who support them.
I shared some information that I shouldn’t have. The person I shared it with then used that information to their advantage, in the process, making it obvious that I had shared the information in the first place.
As I lie here in bed wondering how I could have been so stupid, I realize that it is my faults that are also my biggest assets.
I am too trusting, I always have been; I want to believe the best of people and I can’t fathom how anyone could purposely hurt someone in order to benefit themselves. It’s this quality that gets me burned, time and time again, but it’s also this ability to trust that allows me to open my heart and let people in. It’s also the reason I’m an optimist and how I’ve won some big emotional battles.
I am mothering. I put myself into compromising positions because I believe someone else will benefit from my guidance and experience. Often this makes me vulnerable to being taken advantage of, but the same as being too trusting, this also has its upside. If I did not have that mothering/nurturing nature then I wouldn’t have the patience required to guide, teach or mentor as is my passion for helping people reach their full potential.
If I didn’t have these qualities then I wouldn’t be who I am, so in the end I suppose I’d rather be true to myself than change.