My mom joked once that I was so spoiled as a child that she was certain I’d grow up to be a “princess”. She said it like she wasn’t quite convinced yet that I hadn’t. Well, I tried not to… for a really long time. I got a good job and a vehicle and I paid my bills and I didn’t shop much or get my hair done; I was über-responsible. I worried a lot about not being a “screw up” because I saw how awful my dad was treated by his own family. And I was miserable. Miserable trying to be someone I wasn’t meant to be. Trying to prove to who exactly I’m not sure that I was perfect. But, as I’ve gotten older its become increasingly difficult to stifle the inner “me”, so I decided to let her loose and I actually quite like myself. It’s liberating. With age comes wisdom and I’ve finally realized that who I am is OKAY! Princess, and everything else. I AM spoiled and majorly stubborn and a little bit needy. I have expensive taste and I want what I want when I want it – no exceptions. I hate to wait. I like presents and to spoil the people I love, too. I like to hear “thank you” because gratitude is great. I take things for granted sometimes. I like when a man calls me “sweetie” and treats me gently. I love kisses on my forehead. I hate wearing makeup and live for the messy-bun, but any opportunity to wear fake eyelashes and I’m in. I despise doing the dishes and I’m strongly considering hiring a maid because dammit I’m a modern woman and I can’t do it all and that’s okay! After all these years I still leave socks all over the house and forget to turn lights off. I like to be challenged. I believe that nothing worth doing is ever easy. I want to live a full life and not an easy life. I have the worlds truest friends so I can’t be that hard to tolerate. I am living proof that you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Not everyone who crosses my path will like me and that’s okay, because I finally do!
I did something stupid today.
I shared some information that I shouldn’t have. The person I shared it with then used that information to their advantage, in the process, making it obvious that I had shared the information in the first place.
As I lie here in bed wondering how I could have been so stupid, I realize that it is my faults that are also my biggest assets.
I am too trusting, I always have been; I want to believe the best of people and I can’t fathom how anyone could purposely hurt someone in order to benefit themselves. It’s this quality that gets me burned, time and time again, but it’s also this ability to trust that allows me to open my heart and let people in. It’s also the reason I’m an optimist and how I’ve won some big emotional battles.
I am mothering. I put myself into compromising positions because I believe someone else will benefit from my guidance and experience. Often this makes me vulnerable to being taken advantage of, but the same as being too trusting, this also has its upside. If I did not have that mothering/nurturing nature then I wouldn’t have the patience required to guide, teach or mentor as is my passion for helping people reach their full potential.
If I didn’t have these qualities then I wouldn’t be who I am, so in the end I suppose I’d rather be true to myself than change.
Every morning I get to work and read through the daily CNN reports while I drink my coffee. Each time I am reminded of how unbelievably privileged we are to live in a Country where we don’t have to struggle just to survive, but still, I take it for granted. A huge portion of the world’s population live in fear or turmoil. More still are missing out on food, shelter, a proper education and medical attention. Me, I have clothes, food, a job, a home and my family is safe. I hope that my family and friends also recognize how blessed we are to live our lives as we do. I hope that every person chooses to give back in some way, to whatever cause they are passionate about. Even a small financial donation, volunteering of time, or a simple act of kindness go a long way in changing lives.