Trying to be a Good Girlfriend

My ex always told me that I was a great girlfriend, but I guess a part of me always thought that if I was so good at it then why haven’t any of my relationships lasted?

I know the truth is that those men weren’t right for me and I’ve always preferred being alone to being with just anyone, but it’s hard for that self doubt not to creep in.

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately pondering exactly how to be a great girlfriend. Give him blow jobs, make sure he’s never hungry, don’t cut him off from his friends, be supportive, encouraging, and make him feel good about himself.

I practiced some of those things this weekend. No, not the blow jobs because I didn’t see him (and I don’t need the practice!). My honey had committed himself months ago to volunteering to cook for the Turkish festival this weekend. That meant he had only one day off last weekend, followed by three days of work this week and four full days with the festival. Throw his best friends engagement party into that and what you have is one very busy man.

I wanted to be a great girlfriend this week. I wanted to show him that I supported him and that I could be there to help him when he had too much on his plate, but I wasn’t sure what I could actually do.

I started by making the decision to put my own needs last by not asking when he would have time for me this weekend. That would have just added to his stress, and I knew there was simply no way he could have worked me in, especially since I’d decided not to go to his best friends engagement party (I didn’t want the pressure of meeting his “second family” in that sort of a setting).

Instead, I simply asked him if there was anything I could do to help him out. I didn’t really expect him to say yes, being as self sufficient as he is, but he did. He asked me if I would mind shopping for an engagement present for his best friend & his fiancé, since he wasn’t sure he’d find the time to do it. I agreed, and he was extremely grateful as it was a huge task off his plate. Besides, gift buying isn’t really a man’s forte.

So last week I stopped in at the Fairmont hotel chain and bought a gift certificate that they could use for their wedding night, a honeymoon, or any other night. Then this weekend I picked up a gorgeous crystal vase, and I put together a nice bouquet of flowers, and on Saturday I delivered them to my boyfriend before the party so he didn’t have to worry about picking anything up.

Tonight when the festival was over, I told him how proud I was of him for all of the work he’d put in, and I know he was glad to hear it.

They were small things I did this weekend, insignificant to me really, but I’m sure that they made a big difference for him. And honestly, I was happy to do it. It’s nice to know that I can be there for someone, and that it will be returned when I need it.

I think this weekend at least, I succeeded at being a good girlfriend.

“I’m talking about fate here – when feelings are so powerful it’s as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams.” -Alex & Emma

He is, in a word… amazing.

I love being with him. We can sit and talk for hours. We can snuggle up and be together in silence. We can be silly and laugh together. We can be honest with each other (and we are).

I can be myself with him. I don’t feel like I have to be perfectly prim and proper, on my best behaviour all of the time.

His friends welcome me with hugs and excited waves when I walk into their apartment. They tell me how much he likes me and they ask me to come back.

Yesterday I apologized for being in a bit of a grumpy mood in the morning and his reply blew me away. He said, “It’s okay. We are not going to be all ‘honey, darling’ all of the time. Sometimes you are going to be grumpy and sometimes I am going to be grumpy and sometimes we will even fight but that’s okay.”

He encourages me to to be better, without putting me down, and while still appreciating me as I am. He couldn’t care less if I showed up in yoga pants and without makeup. In fact, when he sees me rubbing at my eyes because my mascara makes them itchy, he tells me not to bother wearing makeup because I don’t need it. He makes me feel beautiful, all of the time.

He’s proud to be with me when we are with his friends. He acts like I’m his girl, and it’s a fact not a question. Even when he’s being shy, he will wink at me from a distance, or stop what he’s doing because he noticed my drink needs to be refilled or that I’m cold and I need a sweater. He takes care of me.

He’s thoughtful and considerate. He actually listens and hears the things I tell him. I am amazed when he brings up something that I don’t even remember telling him.

He calls when he says he’ll call. He shows up when he says he’ll show up. He doesn’t make promises he can’t keep. He’s not afraid to say “I might have to work on Saturday so I can’t be certain if I can see you” instead of telling me he’ll see me then cancelling at the last minute. Even when his work schedule gets crazy, I don’t get angry with him because he’s set my expectations appropriately (even if I might be disappointed when he has to work!).

He’s tender and caring. He gazes into my eyes, he strokes my cheek, he kisses me softly. He loves children and puppies. He’s actually a bit of a softie when it comes down to it (but don’t tell him I said that).

He works hard. He’s proud and confident and he takes care of the people in his life. He pays when we go out (OMGoodness, chivalry does exist!) but he’s not too proud to let me take the reigns. In fact, he calls me “boss” most of the time. It’s an inside joke… I told him one time that I was the boss and he took me far too seriously.

When I’m not with him, I’m thinking about him, but I’m not obsessing over him like it’s some school girl crush. It feels… mature. It feels natural and calm and perfectly progressive.

I trust him. When he told me last weekend that I was his only “fish” (a pun since we met on Plenty of Fish), I believed him. And, I liked that a tiny flash of disappointment crossed his face when I joked about having to throw back all of my other fish now that we’re exclusive. I like that he wants me to be his “girlfriend”, even though the term makes me feel like a teenager again.

I love that he makes me feel content. Even though the rest of my life is scrambling to turn right side up again, there is this sense of calm that he brings to the table… this sense of… security, perhaps.

Now I just need to cross my fingers that I can remember how to do this… be someones significant other. I have to dig deep into my past and remember the mistakes I’ve made in other relationships so that I can learn from them and be better in this one. And that friends, is scary… and the topic of a post for another day. For now, I’m going to go to bed smiling.

“I’m talking about fate here – when feelings are so powerful it’s as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams.” -Alex & Emma