Who I Am is Who I’ve Always Been

My mom joked once that I was so spoiled as a child that she was certain I’d grow up to be a “princess”. She said it like she wasn’t quite convinced yet that I hadn’t. Well, I tried not to… for a really long time. I got a good job and a vehicle and I paid my bills and I didn’t shop much or get my hair done; I was über-responsible. I worried a lot about not being a “screw up” because I saw how awful my dad was treated by his own family. And I was miserable. Miserable trying to be someone I wasn’t meant to be. Trying to prove to who exactly I’m not sure that I was perfect. But, as I’ve gotten older its become increasingly difficult to stifle the inner “me”, so I decided to let her loose and I actually quite like myself. It’s liberating. With age comes wisdom and I’ve finally realized that who I am is OKAY! Princess, and everything else. I AM spoiled and majorly stubborn and a little bit needy. I have expensive taste and I want what I want when I want it – no exceptions. I hate to wait. I like presents and to spoil the people I love, too. I like to hear “thank you” because gratitude is great. I take things for granted sometimes. I like when a man calls me “sweetie” and treats me gently. I love kisses on my forehead. I hate wearing makeup and live for the messy-bun, but any opportunity to wear fake eyelashes and I’m in. I despise doing the dishes and I’m strongly considering hiring a maid because dammit I’m a modern woman and I can’t do it all and that’s okay! After all these years I still leave socks all over the house and forget to turn lights off. I like to be challenged. I believe that nothing worth doing is ever easy. I want to live a full life and not an easy life. I have the worlds truest friends so I can’t be that hard to tolerate. I am living proof that you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Not everyone who crosses my path will like me and that’s okay, because I finally do!

It’s Almost Go-Time!

Most of you have been with me since the time I started this blog, and I’m excited to announce that soon you’ll get to follow me on another journey; motherhood.

I’m really quite excited to start my life as a mom. It’s taken a long time to get to this point (my best friend calls it “the most overdue pregnancy ever”). I first applied to adopt in April of last year (2013), but I had spent my whole life thinking about it first. It took six months to receive the first phone call saying that they had finally reviewed my application. After that things thankfully seemed to go faster (though they really didn’t). I’ve been through two very long weekends of training, filled out massive amounts of paperwork (repeatedly), I’m now onto my third social worker (intake worker, home study writer, and now the permanent adoption worker), and last month I was finally approved to adopt!

In between all of the appointments and paperwork, I’ve painted both of the kids rooms, the laundry room and the basement. I’ve torn down and re-built a fence and a deck, I’ve attended several meet-ups with other adoptive or prospective parents, and I’m managing the blog for a new non-profit organization started by one of my new friends. Things have been really busy preparing for my new family; I guess you could say I’m nesting (and drinking more coffee).

My social worker said that my file has been getting a lot of attention due to my wide age-range, so I don’t think it will be very long before I’ve found a “match” and will get to bring them home. I’m spending the interim period saving up for my parental leave and trying to finish off a few projects around the house. I also have a couple of weekends planned at the lake for good measure.

Wish me luck, and keep your eyes open for big news coming soon!

Christmas Has a Way

Christmas has a way of making you feel alone… that kind of lonely that hits you so deep you can’t shake it even when you’re surrounded by your closest family. I had this conversation with my best friend the other day during our commute home, not about Christmas but about wanting someone whose focus and love is dedicated to you and you alone; that life partner. I would love to find that person, but I know it will be a while before I do.

In the meantime… I’m secretly happy that my mom is here all of the time helping me out with improvements on the house, and that my brother shows up at random hours to raid the refrigerator and use my Netflix.