Decisions

I’m beginning to feel as though I’m going to have some tough decisions to make over the next few months.

Big life decisions.

Like, where do I want my career to go?

Am I financially ready to buy a house and do I really want to be tied down to something like that?

Is real estate the best decision I could make for my financial future, or are there other investment avenues I should be exploring while I’m still young?

Is this the city I want to be in? Do I want to be close to my family? In a place that’s familiar? Or should I try to find another place to make home? Someplace I might fit in better.

Am I ready to settle down at all? Am I even the type of person who could truly ever “settle”?

Do I want to have children of my own someday or would I be better suited as someone’s favorite aunt? What about participating in the foster system or adoption, that’s something I need to think more seriously about.

Am I ever going to be able to fully trust a man again? Have the men I’ve loved been deserving of trust or are my issues my own?

What about sex? Where do my boundaries lie? What am I okay with, and can I differentiate between my own insecurity and a valid cause for concern?

Do I want someone permanent in my life at all?

Should I start looking for a different sort of person? Someone safer?

If i go the safe route, will I end up looking back on my life and regretting it? Or do I search for the same sort of inevitable heartbreaker I’ve been dating? The ones who makes my pulse race but ultimately don’t treat me all that well.

Don’t tell me that there’s a happy medium to all of this. I’m not sure I could believe it.

The next couple months are going to mean a lot of self reflection. It’s time to figure out who I’m going to be for the rest of my life.