When I started brainstorming for this post, I was certain it was going to be about the aspect of myself I wanted to improve throughout the course of next year. I was circling around the word “discipline”, something I greatly lack in my life, but creating discipline where there simply is none seemed like a mountain in front of me. I’m not really much into climbing mountains these days (if only I was more disciplined). Instead, I landed on the word “efficient”. Efficient as in, finding ways to work with my own personality traits – the ones I already have – to make my life as efficient as possible.
Heading into adoption this year, I know there will be plenty of opportunity to be self criticizing as I become overwhelmed with the new responsibilities in my life. There’s no need to start that now. I know that I am a good person with plenty of positive personality traits. I’m strong, I’m capable, I’m loving and compassionate. So what if I lack discipline or have a tendency to be a little irritable or lazy sometimes? I can work with those. I can set strategies in place that will help me to not become irritable, or to create an “out” when I need a lazy escape from the new day-to-day responsibilities. I can create efficiencies for a productive and happy life while still embracing all of my traits – the good, and the bad.
I’ve been thinking a lot about love, lately. I think it has very little to do with the adoption, but probably a lot to do with the fact that I’m preparing my life and my home for a family; I’m settling down.
I don’t feel any pangs of regret or need to have the husband before I adopt. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I think I’m just simply ready to find a long-term love. I’m finding my thoughts constantly wandering towards that warm, adoring, safe place that is being in love. It sure would be nice to have someone around to share my life with.
The timing is really unfortunate, because I can’t very well start dating right now. When would I possibly have the time to weed through potential mates? And what would I say to them about the adoption? Then there’s the more complicated matter of introducing them to the children. These kids are going to take a very long time to settle in and become comfortable and secure as a family, it wouldn’t be fair to throw an additional person into the mix, especially if that person was still a question mark in my mind. No, the whole idea seems out of place. Dating will have to wait.
I wonder then, how do the rest of the single mother’s go about dating? What will I be facing once my children are in a good enough place that I can put myself out there again? Is there ever a “good time” to add someone your family, and how do you go about doing it? Of course, my situation is unique so there will be differences, but there’s no point reinventing the wheel.