Around a Year Ago

It was around this time last year when I had my meltdown. I hit the depression stage of grief, after losing my father. My relationship with Y came to a heartbreaking and unexpected end, and my work atmosphere had me so stressed out that I could barely face walking into the office each day.

I remember bawling during my entire morning commute one day. I remember sitting in the parking lot trying to catch my breath and stop myself from crying and shaking. I was having a major panic attack.

That day marked the climax of my breakdown, and it was also the day I started to heal. I already knew my mind wouldn’t be focused on my job that day, so I spent my time searching the web for a psychologist, and later that afternoon I saw my family doctor who prescribed me both an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medicine, as well as Ativan (Lorazepam) for the tough days. I also bought a journal and started writing my feelings out. There were a lot of them, they were messy, but it helped.

That day didn’t fix things, but it got the ball rolling. My grief was full bore ahead for quite some time, I couldn’t understand why things ended with Y, and I had to pop an Ativan before I could go to work most days because tension in the office was just that bad. I was being bullied. I ugly cried in front of my boss. Twice. If I wasn’t crying I was on the verge of telling her exactly where to go. It was a horrible few months.

Eventually, the meds started kicking in and I was able to keep it together a little better. It took a couple tries but I eventually found a shrink I clicked with, and we worked through a lot of abandonment issues that I was left with after my parents divorce. For the grande finale, I gave my two weeks notice just after Christmas and was able to decompress for nearly a month before starting my new job. From there, things were on the upswing.

Today, I’m in a healthy office environment. I have a job where
I’m praised, appreciated, challenged and supported. I miss my dad every day, but I’m sad about it far less often. I have moved on romantically, and I’ve made the decision to pursue my life dream of adopting an older sibling group.

My life isn’t perfect yet, and I doubt that’s even possible, but I have come so, so far over this past year. I’m finally living for me, and I’m happy about that.

Introducing the “My Story” Page

I’ve spent a lot of time lately, contemplating the direction of this blog. The fact of the matter is that there isn’t one, not really. This blog is about me and every aspect of my life. I don’t write strictly about love and dating, or grief, or money, or what I ate for breakfast. I blog about it all. So for that reason I have created the “My Story” page which you will see a tab for at the top of my homepage. The My Story page is meant to summarize the events in my life which have lead to the content on this blog. Because I tend to jump around a lot in my posts, I thought it could be helpful for new and old readers to keep it all straight.

You’re welcome.

“War does not determine who is right – only who is left.” -Bertrand Russell

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/16/middleeast/gallery/syria-unrest/index.html?iid=article_sidebar

In the spring of 2011 a plane touched down on North American soil, bringing with it a man I would soon come to discover was unlike any I’d ever met before. He was a man with a beautiful soul, a … Continue reading