New Year Efficiencies, Because I’m Fine the Way I Am

When I started brainstorming for this post, I was certain it was going to be about the aspect of myself I wanted to improve throughout the course of next year. I was circling around the word “discipline”, something I greatly lack in my life, but creating discipline where there simply is none seemed like a mountain in front of me. I’m not really much into climbing mountains these days (if only I was more disciplined). Instead, I landed on the word “efficient”. Efficient as in, finding ways to work with my own personality traits – the ones I already have – to make my life as efficient as possible.

Heading into adoption this year, I know there will be plenty of opportunity to be self criticizing as I become overwhelmed with the new responsibilities in my life. There’s no need to start that now. I know that I am a good person with plenty of positive personality traits. I’m strong, I’m capable, I’m loving and compassionate. So what if I lack discipline or have a tendency to be a little irritable or lazy sometimes? I can work with those. I can set strategies in place that will help me to not become irritable, or to create an “out” when I need a lazy escape from the new day-to-day responsibilities. I can create efficiencies for a productive and happy life while still embracing all of my traits – the good, and the bad.

Christmas Has a Way

Christmas has a way of making you feel alone… that kind of lonely that hits you so deep you can’t shake it even when you’re surrounded by your closest family. I had this conversation with my best friend the other day during our commute home, not about Christmas but about wanting someone whose focus and love is dedicated to you and you alone; that life partner. I would love to find that person, but I know it will be a while before I do.

In the meantime… I’m secretly happy that my mom is here all of the time helping me out with improvements on the house, and that my brother shows up at random hours to raid the refrigerator and use my Netflix.

2013 on Fire

Twenty-thirteen has been another big year for me. The year started off pretty stressful; I was at a job I absolutely hated going to every day, I struggled with managing my dad’s estate and the related expenses, I went to therapy to work through feelings of resentment towards my mother, I broke up with Levi after much contemplation and my neighbours were causing trouble.

By fall I seemed to have found some peace. I moved jobs to something I enjoy more, in a friendlier environment. I sold my dad’s property which kicked off the closing of the estate and pay-out of my inheritance which I used to purchase my first home, a four-bedroom + den duplex in the suburbs near my family. My relationship with my mom seems to have gotten much better. I found peace with the past through therapy and have done my best to let things go. She’s working hard on being my mother and my friend, and she’s been my biggest support as I proceed through the domestic adoption process which kicked off when I submitted my application in April. Levi and I have managed to remain casual friends, we text on occasion and exchange pleasantries.

As the snow starts to fall, I have moved in, renovated my bathroom, painted my bedroom and gotten mostly settled into the new house. I’ve completed the next step in the adoption paperwork, met a few people who are going through the same life-changing process, and am getting ready for Christmas with my family.

Moving into 2014, I’m expecting the year to be mostly focused on the adoption process. In January I have five mandatory parental training days. After that I’ll begin the home study process and hopefully by spring I’ll be in the system and waiting to be matched with my future children. I’m not sure how long the matching process will take, but once it is complete I’ll be shifting into parental leave and mommy-hood within a few days. From there, who knows what the remainder of the year will bring.

I expect I’ll do some other projects around the house next year, but they’ll be small in nature and likely tailored more towards functionality than cosmetic or repair work.

I don’t anticipate my love life revving up anytime soon. Just the thought of starting a romance while I’m working through the adoption process sounds complicated and exhausting. Once the kids are settled in and attaching well, I’ll consider opening myself up to the idea of romance again. In the meantime, it’s just me and a bottle of wine by the fire, watching “The Holiday”.

Vacations next year will pretty much be on the fly as well. I don’t think I’ll have the time or money for a real vacation and once the kids come we’ll need to stay close to home. I might take a staycation in February or March, and I wouldn’t mind investing in a small trailer to tow behind my Jeep so the kids, the dogs and I can all pack up and road trip to the island to visit my BFF. I think the kids would really like it, and there are plenty of lakes and kid attractions along the way.

I guess, reflecting on what I’ve written so far, 2013 was sort of a transitional year. As always, I’m very much looking forward to what’s in store.