Just some Mid-September Updates

Some updates in puke-on-the-page style, because I just took NyQuil and am falling asleep…

1) A couple of weeks ago I left The Italian a voicemail saying I was checking in to see how he was feeling (he had a cold). This morning I told him I was staying home because I wasn’t feeling well. He phoned tonight after work to ask how I was feeling and wish me sweet dreams. I was in awe by the sweetness of this because it was thoughtful and because we don’t usually talk on the phone. I’m glad to know I set a precedent of sorts. I’m also reminded of all the sweet things Y did for me… before he cheated on me… and then the scepticism creeps in and I’m just confused. I guess it’ll be a while before that goes away.

2) I’m trying to be open to The Italian as more than a rebound boyfriend. He’s acting as though he legitimately likes me, and I don’t want to miss an opportunity because my head is somewhere else. Besides, he made some crack the other day about me not noticing him even when he was sitting right beside me. Oops. That said, I’m still taking it slow… really, I have no choice. I’m just not in a position to jump right in with my heart.

3) I should have the keys to my new place by the end of this weekend. I’m so excited, I can’t wait to have my own space again. I’ve been decorating it on Pinterest all day.

4) I tried to shave my 100 pound dog today, so she wouldn’t shed so much in my new place. She looks horrid. Poor thing.

5) Therapy is going pretty well. She’s given me some good tips for handling my anxiety. To be honest, it’s just nice to be able to talk to someone who knows how to ask the right questions.

6) The meds are keeping me level and keeping the anxiety at bay as well. If only I could remember to take them every day. I’ve been bad about that this week.

7) Y’s best friends fiancé has been inviting me over for coffee then rescheduling last minute. She’s not very organized, but she desperately wants to be my friend and she hates Y. She told me she wants me to attend their wedding. Yeah… awkward much?

8) Speaking of Y… people keep asking me if he went back to Turkey. Honestly, I don’t know. I think he’s still here, but I’ve done my best to block all thoughts of him out of my mind completely (survival tactic). I really don’t want to talk about him yet. I still just can’t go there. It will probably be years before I can think back on it and not be hurt. I know there’s a lesson in there somewhere, but it will be longer, if ever, before I figure out what it is.

9) I deactivated my Facebook before I went on my vacation to Florida, and aside from a couple of times I logged in quickly to search for an address, photo etc., it’s still deactivated. I don’t really miss it like I thought I would. I needed to disconnect. I’ve been living my life more.

10) I’ve been busy as all hell… and on purpose. I have been making a point of getting out with friends as much as possible, spending time with The Italian once or twice a week, and making efforts to progress my life and just be happy.

11) I had the most amazing vacation. Visiting my family (who I’d mostly never met) was awesome! They were so much fun, and I saw some amazing places (Siesta Key Beach in Sarasota was by far the most gorgeous place I’ve ever seen). To be honest, it was nice to spend a few days with people who didn’t know anything about my recent breakup. No one asked questions, I didn’t have to explain anything, and I just got a break from it! The last half of my trip was phenomenal too! I got to catch up with a friend from high school who I’ve really been missing. We had such a nice time re-connecting and just hanging out. I loved every minute of it!! It was so nice to see the life she’s built for herself and to get to be a part of it for a few days. My vacation was exactly the break I’d been hoping for.

12) Two weeks from today I board a plane for Chicago, where I get to meet some of my best friends for the first time. Me and four of my best blogger girlfriends in the same room… finally. It seems surreal. We have a lot of fun stuff planned for the weekend, but honestly I would be happy to sit on the floor beside them, painting our toenails and having girl chat all weekend. I can’t wait. And no, I’m not nervous in the least. What’s there to be nervous about? They’re my best friends. :)

13) I’ve passed the point of no return with the NyQuil.

Change I Didn’t Ask For

Life is kind of upside down right now, and I’ve been wanting to blog about it, I’ve even been making little notes to myself, but I can’t find the time and when I do find the time, I can’t muster the energy.

I have so much going on right now. I’m just going to throw it all up onto this page, okay. No rhyme or reason to this post.

I’m getting ready to prepare my Dad’s house to be put on the market. This consists of cleaning, painting, and *sigh* replacing the flooring (all out of my pocket up front, I might add). I still have to find and meet with a realtor, and I’ve been dealing with a lawyer on all things estate related. Then there’s the rest of Dad’s bills. Ambulance bills, utility bills, and a million other expenses.

My brother is completely unappreciative of everything I’m doing to handle the estate. He’s going to get his cheque and blow it all, I know he is. Ugh, stupid teenagers.

I have a dog now. Did I mention that before? I took on the smaller of my Dad’s two dogs and he’s sweet and loveable but it’s still a challenge. He’s settled in well and I’ve been so proud of how well he’s been behaving, but yesterday I got a complaint from the condo board about his barking. It was very non-specific though, so I don’t know if he’s been barking while I’m at work (I didn’t think he was) or if it was just one incident. I emailed them to ask for details of the complaint, but I’m stressed over this. That’s not all. When I asked my Aunt (Landlord) if I could keep the dog, she failed to tell me I needed to get condo board approval. Yeah… so I was in shit for that too, so I submitted the paperwork today. What are the chances they’ll approve a dog that’s already received a complaint?

If the approval is declined, I either have to ship him off to my Mother’s house to live with her other three dogs (he doesn’t particularly like it there), or I have to move.

Ugh, moving. Speaking of moving… I’m trying desperately to pay off my car right now so that I can buy a house once my Dad’s estate settles. I’m almost there, but moving will nix all of my extra cash. If I have to move out of my condo in the interim, I’m going to end up living with my Mom and brother temporarily.

*Insert feelings of anxiety here.*

But, moving back in with my Mom might not be such a bad idea, because she’s short on cash since we moved my Grandma into a home and she’s had to take on more bills. I’ve started sending her money here and there, because well, it’s what you do for family. But if I’m sending her money anyway, then maybe I may as well be paying her more in rent which would help her out and be cheaper for me in the end. It could help pay off my car, and balance out the maintenance costs on my Dad’s place.

But, (oh god- another but) if I move in with my Mom then there’s just no privacy. Even if it’s temporary, I still need my privacy. How am I supposed to bring a boy home with me?

Speaking of boys, there is one. Relax, we’ve only been dating a month or so. There was someone before him, for six months, but we were non-dating. Yeah, I don’t get it either. I know, I know. I’ll blog about them later- I hear you loud and clear, in your nagging ways. I’ll get to it, maybe after work next week.

Speaking of work. Meh. What else can I say? I’m learning new things and I should be stimulated right now, but I’m not. I’m completely disinterested and I hate to admit it but I just can’t get re-motivated to care. I get done what I need to get done, and then I go home, and I forget about it. A few months ago I was working late nights and thriving because I wanted to impress and succeed but then personal matters combined with a tense work environment and now, I have bigger fish to fry.

Speaking of fish… I’ve planned to spend Easter vacation (actually, I have a whole week off!) on the west coast with my best friend. We’re thinking about renting a cabin in Tofino for a weekend. I can’t wait to eat some fish and walk on the beach and breathe in the humid spring air. I can’t wait to see my best friend… to drink wine and paint our toe nails and sit on the deck having girl chat.

Speaking of girl chat, I’m becoming better friends with a couple of newer girls at work. They’re younger, but they’re fun and easy to like. We’re going to do a wine tour this summer over a long weekend.

Speaking of long weekends… I’ve got to run and get some errands done before mine starts. I have a hot date tomorrow and I’d like to clean the house first.

At least I ended on a high note.

Who Knew Life Could be So Good in October?

*Written yesterday on my last day of vacation.*

It’s pathetic that the worst part of my trip has been having to maintain an uncomfortable “head back” position while trying to keep my tan even on my neck.

There certainly isn’t anything wrong with sitting poolside in the hot sun waiting for my Pleasure Punch to arrive. Who could complain about this? Back home my mother tow me it’s a measly ten degrees Celsius and windy as all hell, so this seems the perfect way to spend my last day in Las Vegas.

My bloggers are gone, TBH had an early flight and Inris is off playing in a poker tournament, but oh– my drink has just arrived chalk full of vodka so it all balances out.

This trip has been the definition of perfect. My first trip to Vegas was with a bunch of immature whores and left something to be desired, but this trip was amazing. I’m going to fly home tonight feeling refreshed and relaxed, having seen things I’ve never seen before and been places I’ve never been, with the most amazing company.

We’ve seen the Hoover Dam, the Las Vegas sign, the wax museum, the Bellagio fountains. We saw the landscape from the window of a limousine as we sipped mimosas. We gambled– I lost, but they won! We talked about our blogs, and you, and about the loves in our lives. We set ourselves deadlines for milestones and, while I shall say no more about that, it is necessary and is nice to have friends to confide in. We toured the strip, I was saved from a snake, and we had our fortunes told by a fraudulent psychic. We ordered in, we ate out, we had expensive drinks and cheap white wine. We saw Nathan Burton’s comedy magic show, we toasted Ben Affleck, and we made a brief friendship in the elevator. We had the same man mistakenly knock on our door three times in a row, and we stayed in the biggest most incredible suite I’ve ever been in. We had a great view from the fiftieth floor, and a TV in the bathroom.

There are worse ways to spend October.