“One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is the gift of attention.” -Jim Rohn

Later this week I have my first appointment with a new psychologist. The psychologist I had been seeing moved to Vancouver, but the upside is that it gives me an opportunity to explore a different angle. Instead of focusing solely on my anxiety, I intend to focus on grief and relationships for the time being.

Over the last couple of months, as my relationship has grown from that initial dating phase into something more, I’ve realized that I don’t really know how to do this part.

Parts of being with someone come easy to me, but there are other parts where I need some help. I’ve never had a truly healthy relationship, and it’s been a long time since I’ve tried. I’ve never had role models, my parents were divorced when I was a teen and up until that point I think they merely lived together. I never saw or heard them appreciate or admire one another. I saw dad slap moms ass once in a while, but somehow I think The Italian might raise an eyebrow if I tried that. There are things I simply don’t know, and things I don’t know I don’t know.

A great friend of mine recommended the book “The Five love Languages” over the weekend, and I downloaded the condensed audio version. The brief 45 minute overview gave me some things to think about, some different ways to show love and to recognize when it’s being shown to me. I think that in and of itself will provide me with a more secure perspective in my relationship. I’ll still have to navigate the specifics, but this is a good first step.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that many people enter into a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good.  In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” -Anthony Robbins