That Moment When…

…you unexpectedly realize “the love of your life” was cheating on you for god knows how long and has been in a Facebook status worthy relationship with some skanky looking girl for a month and a half already.

…you realize that “the love of your life” is obviously not really “the love of your life” and you were very, very wrong.

…you realize that what little part of your world made sense was a complete and total lie.

…your entire world is flipped upside down.

…you realize that you were duped… again.

…you realize that you are stupid and naive and your self confidence plummets.

…you begin to question everything you thought you knew.

…you feel completely devastated and lost.

…you realize that *knife in chest* feeling you’d thought had gone away, has just come back full force, completely unexpected and far worse than you could have ever imagined.

…you realize you are going to need more damn Ativan.

…you know that you are better than this, better than *him*, but you’ve still got to grieve for what you thought was the truth.

…you become unsure that you will ever know how to trust again, or worse, that you will keep on trusting the untrustworthy.

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20 thoughts on “That Moment When…

  1. Oh, wow. Just when you think it cannot get worse. This is a tough situation. Long ago when I was in high school (I know, I know, high school) I “thought” I really liked this guy. He strung me along, I’m pretty sure he slept with some of my friends because I was not sexually active. Either way it was really stupid of me to hold on to him KNOWING what kind of douche canoe he was. I was having a hard time letting go… but my ex step mom gave him some powerful advice. She told me to put all the shit he ever gave me in a garbage bag and dump that shit on his porch (I am not suggesting you do this!). What she was really telling me to do was to release him. I felt like a million dollars after that. Well into my 20s when I went through the hardest breakup of all time (much like this) I looked back on that day and drew from it. The sooner you move on, the better you will feel. The sooner he does not occupy so much of your precious & valuable time the better. You can deal with the future in time. Take a couple days, grieve, cry, kick the shit out of something & then let go… I know once you get there, you’ll be glad you did. BIG HUGS!

    • I’m pretty good about “cleansing” my life of ended romantic relationships. I’ve already deleted his photos/texts/phone number etc. from my phone. I deleted him from my Facebook and asked him never to contact me. I think I still have some photos on my computer, but I put them into a folder titled “ex boyfriends” and it’s hidden about six folders deep so not likely to come across it by accident. I think blocking him out is my only option for staying happy and sane lately. Great advice, thank you!

  2. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I want you to remember that you are an amazing person. And you’ll get through this, even if it hurts so unbearably now. Never forget that. Big big hugs from NYC. Please reach out if you need. You have my #. xoxo

  3. I don’t even know what to say here. I am just disgusted by this guy, and my heart breaks for you. I am so, so sorry. You are such a great person, and I know that you know you deserve so much better. But that doesn’t take away the sting.

  4. You shouldn’t feel stupid for loving him. Love is always a risk and you were brave enough to take your chances. It’s good to grieve, it gives us a chance to move on. Yes, it’s painful, but we learn so much from such moments in our life. And some day you can trust again someone, because you have a loving heart. There are lots of stories of people who were betrayed, but found their love and are truly happy. Take Shannon, for example. Please remember this!

    • I will remember it, I promise. :)
      Grief comes with a lot of different emotions, sometimes all at once!!
      I am proud of myself for being open… I’ll never close myself off, it’s just not in my nature.

  5. I am so sorry, friend. You are not stupid, I agree with everyone here. And I agree w mrssmitten, that was really good advice. You loved, you trusted, you lept, and you took the risk that so many are afraid to, and while it is painful, and he was very misleading and it was not you, but him. It takes bravery to love and bravery to move on just the same, and you have the strength to move forward, learn from this experience and discover the one you were meant to meet out of all of this. I promise. XOXO.

  6. big hugs to you. this must be SO hard. there’s nothing really any of can say that will make it better, but realize that both I, jolene, and shannon have all gone through incredibly difficult breakups that we never really thought we would get over and we have all survived and are in much better, happier places in our lives. realize that you WILL get there one day too. It may feel like the end, but it is not.

  7. I am so sorry this happened to you. You know, I’ve been reading your posts and I never could understand why, if he was going back to Turkey, he got back on the dating website after the two of you broke up? Or why he never told you that you were breaking up in the first place? All the actions of a coward. If it’s any consolation, and I’m sure it’s not, this FB relationship – does she know he’s on the dating website? Probably not and the same thing is going to happen to her; not that we wish ill on anyone. What I am getting at, and trying to say in my horribly bumbling way, is that it isn’t about YOU. It had nothing to do with you. This is who he is, and he could’ve been with [name of famous woman or super model here] and it still would’ve happened. So it has everything to do with him and what is lacking inside of him, and nothing to do with you. Please don’t ever second guess yourself our doubt yourself , and don’t let this sour you on love. It is out there. For the first time in my life I actually believe that. You will grow stronger and wiser from this, as much as it sucks right now, you will be glad for the experience because it is a stepping stone on the path to finding the right guy. I am just so sorry. I wish I had magic words that could take the hurt away, but the hurt is necessary in order to heal and it is important to fully grieve so you can move forward.

    • I’m so grateful for your comment, thank you. In my head I know that it had nothing to do with ME, but in my heart it still hurts. I think he had the dating profile before we broke up, that’s probably how he met her. Who knows, I never will. I’m sure she knows nothing about me and doesn’t realize what he’s done… he will probably do it to her and I’ve thought about telling her to spare her that, but that would be dramatic and more hurt for me that I don’t need. All I can do is pick up the pieces and move on. I’m lucky that I have always had faith that things work out for the best… if I didn’t, I’m not sure I’d be making it through all of this. I’m going to keep grieving… slowly, and in pieces, so it doesn’t hit me as hard.

  8. I echo all of the sentiments above. I’m so incredibly sorry that this year has been filled with such heartbreaking lows. You’re right to grieve the end of your relationship, as tough as that is. Know I’m here for you if you need anything. xoxo

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