They say we do some of our best writing when we’re in the depths of despair… when we’re heartbroken, grieving, or otherwise struggling. They also say it is those moments that we are defined. Overcoming hardships builds character and strength, and for me it has always built confidence in my ability to persevere.
I have loved four men in my life. Truly, madly, passionately loved them. There were others in between, but it wasn’t the sort of love you write home about. These four men however, have helped to define me. Loving these men has made me a better person. They have inspired a bigger, more compassionate soul, and a heart capable of feeling more than I could have ever imagined.
It has always been in the aftermath of these amazing men that I’ve reached out for something new to fill their gaps. In these times I have discovered not only my passions, but myself. I discovered my love to write, my desire to travel, my obsession with financial stability.
Over the past couple of years I’d realized my desire to open myself up spiritually, but I had yet to feel inspired. That is until I met Y, a non-practicing Muslim. My love for Y was all the inspiration I needed to feed my curiosity and begin researching. I wanted to understand not only his culture, but his religion. I wanted to know what he believed in, what he didn’t believe in, and how being raised with these beliefs had shaped him. This inspiration lead me not only to researching his religion but also to furthering my experiences with spiritualism.
When Y told me about Turkey’s mandatory military service, I spoke about it to a friend… a friend who explained to me the current situation in Syria, and Turkey’s role there. I’ve always been interested in politics, but believed that I couldn’t keep up with everything, so I focused my attentions on Canadian Federal politics… but when I began having nightmares of Y involved in a Syrian war, I started paying more attention to world news. Quickly, paying attention turned into obsessively checking CNN and before long I was completely immersed in it, and I asked Y to teach me what he knew.
Then came the point when our relationship got rocky. I had a meltdown and my anxiety hit an all-time high, and as a method of coping I bought a journal, and it was there that I found my passion for writing again.
Yesterday I decided to make a bigger effort towards realizing these passions… to open my life up to freedom and possibilities. Stop researching faith and find some, stop reading about the world and start experiencing it, stop browsing the headlines and start writing them.
Not knowing where to start, I began to browse universities for courses in politics, history, and journalism. I mentioned to a girlfriend that I would start looking for a place to rent and she suggested I move in with her… and I asked her (a health-nut) to help me get healthier so I can better prepare myself for future journey’s.
I’m not entirely sure where these passions will lead, if anywhere… but I want to explore them. Find out of there’s really something bigger there or maybe even just a new hobby.
And so, with heartbreak comes sadness, but also comes inspiration to be greater than we were. Inspiration to spread our wings and go wherever the breeze may take us. We only need to be open to it.