Trying to Get My Happy Back

I’ve always been strong. Too strong, perhaps. I’ve been through numerous struggles in my life and I’ve always come out on top because I didn’t let myself break down, not really. But this time, it couldn’t be helped. The stress and grief I’ve been holding in for the past eight months came to a head when they were combined with romance struggles, and I crumbled.

In the wake of my recent meltdown, I had to make some decisions. Decisions to start doing things for me. To acknowledge my breaking point for what it was and do what I had to do to make it to the other side.

I’ve struggled with my anxiety for years, but the thought of medication scared me. My Dad was a pill-popper and I don’t like the stigma attached. But honestly, when my doctor wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicine, I was relieved. It’s been two weeks now, and I’m starting to feel better. I wasn’t really depressed per say, though I had my days, but I feel calmer… more at ease.

The second thing I did was book appointments with a psychologist. Another stigma I didn’t want to admit to, but I had my first session today and it was nice to have someone unbiased and removed to talk to.

Third, I made appointments with two different mediums. It sounds kooky, I know… but I do have a spiritual side and I’m trying to open up to that a little bit more. I want to explore my own faith. I even bought a book that was recommended to me, it’s on meditations to open your heart. Sounds a little cheeseball, I know. Regardless, the medium appointments were helpful, and you’ll be happy to know that according to them, my previously amazing but recently MIA boyfriend is “the one”. I’ve been instructed to be patient and have faith, and he’ll come back once he’s finished freaking out over the fact that *gasp* he’s fallen in love for the first time.

Lastly, I bought a journal. This blog is amazing, but writing my feelings down while they’re raw and unedited is freeing. It helps me to vent the irrational thoughts and things that I know don’t make any sense.

All of these things have helped. I’m starting to feel better already. More patient and calm. Less panicked, and more content that things will work out as they always do, and I’ll make it through as I always do.

I’m still going to have my bad days and bad moments on good days, but it’s progress.

*EDIT*

Ohhhmyyygooooood how could I forget?!!!

I also booked two more vacations, for a grand total of three vacations over the next three months! This weekend I’m taking 4 days and heading to lake/wine country with my cousin and her husband. In September I’m heading to Florida for a week to visit a friend from my school days who I’ve barely seen in years and can’t wait to spend time with (!!!), and of course… in October I get to spend three awesome days with some of my absolute best blogger friends. What more could a girl need?!

About these ads

11 thoughts on “Trying to Get My Happy Back

  1. Sending you love and even more love. You do whatever it takes to get through this time in your life. It doesn’t matter the “stigma” only the results.

    You got this.

  2. So glad you’re really focusing in you. You deserve it! Was just thinking yesterday that I hadn’t heard anything about the man… You’re doing ok, though?

  3. I think admitting the fact that you want to make changes like this in your life is huge! good for you to take steps to take care of yourself and thanks for mentioning that you did. Not many people talk about that and there are so many out there who probably need to hear it!

  4. I think you are doing all of the right things, my dear!! Especially in the traveling department, I might add ;-) Hugs, you are so strong, you can totally do this. XO

  5. I didn’t start to process my mom’s death until a year later. Even then, I was mired in this all-consuming sadness. When I finally went to a grief counselor, I was able to move on. There will never be a day when I don’t miss her, but I’ve learned to accept my life and my relationships as they are. You might feel as though this post reflects weaknesses, but admitting that you experienced a horrible loss and doing something about it show strength. Sending you love. Please know I’m only a text away.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s