I’ve always been strong. Too strong, perhaps. I’ve been through numerous struggles in my life and I’ve always come out on top because I didn’t let myself break down, not really. But this time, it couldn’t be helped. The stress and grief I’ve been holding in for the past eight months came to a head when they were combined with romance struggles, and I crumbled.
In the wake of my recent meltdown, I had to make some decisions. Decisions to start doing things for me. To acknowledge my breaking point for what it was and do what I had to do to make it to the other side.
I’ve struggled with my anxiety for years, but the thought of medication scared me. My Dad was a pill-popper and I don’t like the stigma attached. But honestly, when my doctor wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medicine, I was relieved. It’s been two weeks now, and I’m starting to feel better. I wasn’t really depressed per say, though I had my days, but I feel calmer… more at ease.
The second thing I did was book appointments with a psychologist. Another stigma I didn’t want to admit to, but I had my first session today and it was nice to have someone unbiased and removed to talk to.
Third, I made appointments with two different mediums. It sounds kooky, I know… but I do have a spiritual side and I’m trying to open up to that a little bit more. I want to explore my own faith. I even bought a book that was recommended to me, it’s on meditations to open your heart. Sounds a little cheeseball, I know. Regardless, the medium appointments were helpful, and you’ll be happy to know that according to them, my previously amazing but recently MIA boyfriend is “the one”. I’ve been instructed to be patient and have faith, and he’ll come back once he’s finished freaking out over the fact that *gasp* he’s fallen in love for the first time.
Lastly, I bought a journal. This blog is amazing, but writing my feelings down while they’re raw and unedited is freeing. It helps me to vent the irrational thoughts and things that I know don’t make any sense.
All of these things have helped. I’m starting to feel better already. More patient and calm. Less panicked, and more content that things will work out as they always do, and I’ll make it through as I always do.
I’m still going to have my bad days and bad moments on good days, but it’s progress.
Ohhhmyyygooooood how could I forget?!!!
I also booked two more vacations, for a grand total of three vacations over the next three months! This weekend I’m taking 4 days and heading to lake/wine country with my cousin and her husband. In September I’m heading to Florida for a week to visit a friend from my school days who I’ve barely seen in years and can’t wait to spend time with (!!!), and of course… in October I get to spend three awesome days with some of my absolute best blogger friends. What more could a girl need?!