Trying to be a Good Girlfriend

My ex always told me that I was a great girlfriend, but I guess a part of me always thought that if I was so good at it then why haven’t any of my relationships lasted?

I know the truth is that those men weren’t right for me and I’ve always preferred being alone to being with just anyone, but it’s hard for that self doubt not to creep in.

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately pondering exactly how to be a great girlfriend. Give him blow jobs, make sure he’s never hungry, don’t cut him off from his friends, be supportive, encouraging, and make him feel good about himself.

I practiced some of those things this weekend. No, not the blow jobs because I didn’t see him (and I don’t need the practice!). My honey had committed himself months ago to volunteering to cook for the Turkish festival this weekend. That meant he had only one day off last weekend, followed by three days of work this week and four full days with the festival. Throw his best friends engagement party into that and what you have is one very busy man.

I wanted to be a great girlfriend this week. I wanted to show him that I supported him and that I could be there to help him when he had too much on his plate, but I wasn’t sure what I could actually do.

I started by making the decision to put my own needs last by not asking when he would have time for me this weekend. That would have just added to his stress, and I knew there was simply no way he could have worked me in, especially since I’d decided not to go to his best friends engagement party (I didn’t want the pressure of meeting his “second family” in that sort of a setting).

Instead, I simply asked him if there was anything I could do to help him out. I didn’t really expect him to say yes, being as self sufficient as he is, but he did. He asked me if I would mind shopping for an engagement present for his best friend & his fiancé, since he wasn’t sure he’d find the time to do it. I agreed, and he was extremely grateful as it was a huge task off his plate. Besides, gift buying isn’t really a man’s forte.

So last week I stopped in at the Fairmont hotel chain and bought a gift certificate that they could use for their wedding night, a honeymoon, or any other night. Then this weekend I picked up a gorgeous crystal vase, and I put together a nice bouquet of flowers, and on Saturday I delivered them to my boyfriend before the party so he didn’t have to worry about picking anything up.

Tonight when the festival was over, I told him how proud I was of him for all of the work he’d put in, and I know he was glad to hear it.

They were small things I did this weekend, insignificant to me really, but I’m sure that they made a big difference for him. And honestly, I was happy to do it. It’s nice to know that I can be there for someone, and that it will be returned when I need it.

I think this weekend at least, I succeeded at being a good girlfriend.

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12 thoughts on “Trying to be a Good Girlfriend

  1. That can be so tough when you know you both really want to see each other. Good for you to take a step back and give the guy some space. After all, I’m sure that is what you would have wanted in return. I can be a needy bitch sometimes so I totally get how hard that can be:) You are an awesome girlfriend!

  2. Sometimes it’s hard to step back and look at their needs first…not in a bad way, just a natural way, we always tend to think of what we want or need first. It’s actually a good thing to practice once in awhile I think, anyway, step into their shoes, see what would help THEM before what would help US. You are a good girlfriend, dear! I know it!

    • Thank you!! It was hard not to complain about not seeing him this weekend, but I managed okay. If I don’t see him soon though, I won’t be singing the same tune!

  3. You are a wonderful girlfriend without even trying. I have no doubt of that. What I’ve been realizing lately that sometimes putting myself first actually makes me a better girlfriend. I think J would agree as he reacts very positively towards me when I do it.

    • Thank you. :-)
      I think you’re probably right about that. I think I need to start working out again and making a point of making bigger plans without him. I also need to vocalize it more when I am doing stuff because I do a lot for myself that I simply don’t tell him because it doesn’t come up. I don’t want him to have the impression that my world revolves around him.

  4. Hmmmm, in my past (which really consists of one relationship) I was NOT a good girlfriend, or wife, or whatever, but neither was he a good “anything” and we were children. It’s funny that you wrote this recently, as I’m trying to figure this dating thing out and really struggling. Kudos to you for putting his needs first this time, but realizing that it’s all about balance. P.S. I don’t know what’s going on now, but as I just glanced at your twitter feed up above briefly it looks like you are under some stress. Whatever it is, I hope it resolves itself! :)

    • Thanks M! You’ll figure it out too. I think we just need to be conscious of our efforts.

      Things are getting back on track I think. Trying to keep my cool and play it out. :-) Thanks for your concern.

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