A Melancholy Weekend Part II

I should take this opportunity to mention that we have been dancing around the topic of making our relationship more permanent. I haven’t blogged about this because I don’t want to provide an opening for anyone to think of him as an opportunist. I also don’t want to put a lot of pressure on the natural development of our relationship. The reality of the situation is that he’s not a permanent resident and his sponsorship fell through, meaning he’ll need to go back to Turkey at the end of August when his Visa expires… unless of course, he finds another sponsor, or we get married. At first I thought this would be no big deal, that he could go back to Turkey and apply for a new Visa, and be back here in a few months. But, that’s not the case since Turkey has a mandatory military service which he would have to complete upon returning. We would be looking at two years before he could make it back, and have you been reading my blog posts about this guy? Wouldn’t I be crazy to let someone this amazing walk out of my life like that? I think so, and so the idea of marriage has been in the back of my mind lately.

In an effort to take things as slow as possible between now and August, there’s been a lot of talking around marriage. I want to make sure that I’m confident in my decision if it comes down to that.  I’m analyzing every little piece of our relationship. I’m asking a lot of questions to make sure we’re fundamentally compatible and that we want the same things out of life. I’m making sure we both have the ability to compromise, and that my friends all get a good feeling from him. I want to know that both of our needs are acknowledged and met.

So, if it seems like what I’m writing about is jumping around right now, or that I’m really picking things apart… I am, and now you know why.

***

The end of our last conversation about his friends lead into another…

Near the end of the day yesterday we were becoming increasingly bored with the overcast weather and we contemplated heading back to his place, but we knew we wouldn’t be alone since his best friend, best friends fiancé, and his friend Can were there.

I hadn’t seen my new man since last weekend, and I desperately wanted to have a fun day just the two of us. I wanted to show him that it’s just as fun to hang out with me as it is to be with his friends… that was a major fail. I’m really bad at finding things to do when the weather is poor. I think I need to work on my “fun factor”.

Anyway… we wanted some privacy. We haven’t had sex in a week, and we wouldn’t have another opportunity for at least a week, possibly two.

I was saying that I really wished I wasn’t living with my mom right now so that we had someplace to be “intimate” and just alone. He took that opportunity to inform me that GF had “heard us” a couple of weeks ago when we thought they were sleeping. Oops. That definitely ruled out attempting to go back to his place.

But… what I didn’t really expect was when he said “I think we should get our own place”.

Somewhere earlier in the conversation it was mentioned that the boys would have to alter their living arrangements once BFF & GF are married… and of course, I know the idea of us getting married has been on both of our minds, but I was still really surprised when he brought up the idea of us living together. I guess that was probably his way of gauging my reaction, testing the waters for a bigger conversation.

What was more telling to me though, is that I didn’t even flinch. I just said “okay”. I didn’t get nervous, my heart didn’t skip, my stomach didn’t tense up. I was calm, I was collected, and I was completely at ease with the idea of sharing a life with him.

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6 thoughts on “A Melancholy Weekend Part II

  1. I want to comment here because I just went “yay!” all in a whisper so as not to disturb what you were saying…next post…I am so on board with this all

  2. Wow, you kept that from me! That’s huge. If it’s the right thing for you guys, I’m sure it will feel natural. You still have almost 2 months left though before the pressure is really on. Try to enjoy your man and not stress too much about the future. I know that will be hard because there’s this looming deadline. So maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, lol.

    • lol! I didn’t keep anything from you! I told you about the marriage stuff and the moving in conversation just happened on the weekend!! :) hahaha
      It’s very hard not to stress. I was doing good until this weekend but it’s really hitting home now. I’ve been reading articles on CNN about Turkey’s involvement in the stuff going on in Syria right now and the last couple of nights I’ve had nightmares about him in the military. I haven’t told him about that yet. :/ I don’t want him to worry that I am worried.

  3. If you guys got married, would he then have to complete the military service upon his next trip back there?

    • Technically, yes. But there are ways around it. He couldn’t go back for a couple of years until his application for residency was approved. After that he can apply through the Turkish consulate to have his military service delayed due to his living outside the country. From my understanding though, he can only ever delay it… unless he goes to the military for a month and pays $10,000 to have it ended quicker.

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