Revisiting “The Love List”

In the Spring of 2010 I wrote a blog series called The Love List. Fairly self explanatory, it was a list of all of the things I’d like to find in my one true love.

In the time since I’ve written that series, I’ve dated numerous men and even been in love once, but I haven’t ever gone back to comb through and see if they stood up to it.

That’s changing now, almost exactly two years after I published the series. I’ve met a man who I adore. He’s a man who makes me truly happy, a man who treats me right, and a man who I can see a future with. Let me tell you about him, with a few exerts from The Love List series.

I also need someone to be emotionally supportive. If I’m going through a rough time and I need him to understand and help me through it, then I hope he’s there to do that, even if it’s just an extra hug at the end of the day.

This isn’t just any guy. He’s the guy who calls to check on me when he knows I’ve had a bad day, and the guy who offers to make me tea when I’m sick. He’s the guy who tells me that it’s okay for us to disagree sometimes, and the guy who has made me feel very much included in his life.

My perfect man enjoys spending time with me doing activities or just running through the daily routine, and out in groups with our friends doing things we all love. He also enjoys going out with the guys on his own and giving me time with my girls.

He’s the first guy I’ve never worried about trusting. The first guy to demand that I’m his and no one else’s. The first guy to gaze into my eyes while our foreheads are touching, just before he leans in to kiss me.

I lust for him, absolutely. He’s gorgeous and sexy and we have incredible chemistry. I’m infatuated by him, completely. He finds his way into my mind and sometimes I just can’t get him out. I love him, honestly. He is everything I never knew I needed.

If I could construct my perfect man, he’d be approximately 5’11″, dark eyes and hair, skin not too pasty, handsome. Broad sculpted shoulders that make me want to curl up into his chest and be surrounded by them. A strong jaw line with a couple days facial growth. A pelvic bone designed to thrust me into the next galaxy. Oh. Man. A girl can dream, can’t she? But in all seriousness, I can’t design my ideal guy… so I guess I’ll just have to hope Mr. Right has a few of those yummy features.

He’s that alpha male I’ve been searching for. He’s strong, capable, and handy to have around. He makes his presence known without being overbearing, he’s confident, and I always feel taken care of and safe when he’s near by…  and at the end of the day, he’s not afraid to show me his sweeter, softer side.

I like a man who’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, who enjoys sports and hanging out with the guys. He can take criticism like a man and doesn’t go soft at the sight of kittens or puppies. My dream guy can change my oil, fix a leaky faucet or build a deck.

I like a man who’s confident but not cocky. When it’s needed, he’s willing to stand up for his friends, family, or what he believes in. When we’re in private, he’s not afraid to let his guard down and show me his vulnerable side. He let’s me be the person he leans on when he needs someone, and he’s there for me in the same way. He makes me feel safe, and I make him feel loved.

He makes me think about permanency again. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him by my side. I can see waking up beside him every morning, I can see having a family with him, I can see traveling the world and sharing my experiences with him.

Getting married and having a big, crazy, happy family has always been high on my to-do list, and even though in recent years my desire to get married has tapered off, I know that when I’ve finally met “the one” I will definitely see marriage in the cards for me again.

It seems to me that things as simple as thoughtfulness and consideration are nearing extinction, but I’ve found them in him with things as simple as a text message wishing me a good day or a phone call to say good night, an apology when he messes up and an advanced warning when he’s going to have to work on the weekend.

That’s why it’s important to me to find someone who respects me enough to be considerate. I’m through wasting my time on people who don’t realize my time is valuable and I deserve better.

When his friends visit, he is the perfect host. He ensures everyone has a beverage at all times, he slaves away in the kitchen cooking dinner, he winks at me in passing to let me know he’s paying attention, and at the end of the night, he does the dishes. He’s actually one of the cleanest men I know, which is perfect because things don’t look completely out of place when my OCD starts straightening the towels in his bachelor pad.

There’s nothing worse than a bad room-mate, and when you think about it… your spouse is just a room-mate you happen to sleep with.

He’s an incredibly hard worker, and he never complains about it. He would die before taking charity from someone, but he’s always generous with his friends. I know that he’d give them the shirt off his back if they truly needed it. He’s just that kind of amazing.

I don’t know about the rest of you girls, but I like a guy with ambition, someone who is smart and works hard for the things he wants in life.

He’s calm, he’s rational and he keeps me grounded. When I’m upset about something, he reminds me to see the happiness around it. When He’s angry himself, he handles it constructively and then he let’s it go.

I made myself a promise a long time ago, that I would never date a man with mental health issues again, not because they’re bad people, but because that takes the kind of committment and energy I should be focusing towards myself and I’m not willing to be second in my own life again.

I love being with him. He makes me smile so much that sometimes I tear up wondering how I got so lucky. I feel cared for, appreciated, and I feel like I finally have someone to lean on when I need him. When I thank him for that he tells me “that’s what I’m here for honey” and I’m blown away… I’ve never had that before.

There’s always going to be a couple of things we have to work on. I want to build a solid foundation for a long lasting relationship and that means continuously exploring each other. I need to come to terms with the hours he works and together we need to find a way to work around it, and I need to ask him what he needs from me.

I’m really enjoying this new relationship, and I’m not going to pretend like I don’t have big hopes for the future. The more time I spend with him, the more it feels right.

I’d like to fall madly, passionately, indescribably, unquestionably in love with someone. I want to be absolutely crazy about him. I want us to laugh together, love together, and be happy together. I want to feel good about my life. I want to feel good about my relationship. I want him to want to make me happy, and me to want to make him happy. I want to wake up every morning feeling lucky to have him lying next to me.

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9 thoughts on “Revisiting “The Love List”

  1. This gave me chills :-) I remember doing something similar to this when I met M. Going back and reading my dealmakers and breakers and how he fit into the man I wanted to meet and had envisioned for so long. This is your time friend, soak it in!!!

  2. Love that you went back to find this and see how well he stacks up to what you were looking for then. So happy that you have found it now! xoxo

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