I was meeting the new man’s friends over the weekend, when I found myself engulfed in conversation with one of those know-it-all sorts. I was trying to decide between another shot of tequila and poking my eyeballs out when she finally started talking about something that interested me… dislike for her mother!
Finally, in a room full of Turkish speaking people, there was something I could understand!
She mentioned how her mother sucks the life out of her. (DING!) How she can’t understand her, and how they just don’t get along. (DING! DING!)
She talked about the awkwardness of sharing hugs with her mother (DING!) and about being surprised that she had emotions when she made her cry during a fight. (DING! DING! DING! DING!)
But then she said what I didn’t expect her to say… That she didn’t think she would EVER like her mother. That this was who they were and how they are and it’s simply not something that can be rectified… and she was okay with that!
Suddenly, there it was right in front of me. I don’t have to like my mother. I don’t even have to tolerate her. It’s okay to keep her at a distance and to not share an emotional bond. I can’t force myself to like her soul sucking self, so be done with it! I can accept that this is the relationship we’re going to have, and that I’m an adult now and I can set those boundaries.
I don’t have to feel guilty for not enjoying her company. We are two very different people. She happens to be my mother, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like her, and it doesn’t mean I have to keep pushing myself to try.
I don’t have to like all of the new man’s friends either, do I?