So I’m feeling pretty motivated tonight. I recently caught up on a blog written by one of our mutual friends (I won’t say who, for her privacy) and she told the story of her friend who has cancer. Hearing her write about all of the different people in her life who have been affected by this disease broke my heart. It also made me realize a couple of things….
As I get older I can fully expect to experience more of the same. I have already lost my Grandmother to cancer and witnessed my BFF lose one of her other BFF’s to cancer. I can’t help but wonder what the future holds, but I know I shouldn’t worry. I probably will anyway, it’s just what I do.
I also realize that life is so precious, and it shouldn’t be wasted. In this blog post she mentioned that her friend felt as though her body had betrayed her… well, I feel as though I’ve betrayed my body… by letting it get to the heavy state that it is. It makes me feel more motivated to change it, but motivation comes and goes.
As much as it comes and goes though, I’m still doing pretty good lately. I’ve been maintaining my walks to and from work, which works out to about 60 minutes five days a week. To have kept this going for nearly two months is a BIG DEAL for me, since I’ve never been particularly good at developing habits and not making up excuses to break them. Even though my legs have been sore 24/7 (and more so lately since when the weather is nice I’ve also been taking walks in the park during my lunch hour), I can feel the strength in them improving and it’s a good feeling. I know that this would probably be peanuts to some (JO!!) but when you’re as out of shape as I have become, it’s a big deal. Imagine yourself strapping on 200 extra pounds and then going for a long walk at a good pace. Not as easy as it might sound.
I’ve even been eating fairly well, in fact I thought I’d been eating really well but the fact that I haven’t lost a pound yet tells me otherwise.
I’m really frustrated about this. I haven’t been pigging out. I’ve been eating healthy foods and trying to moderate my portions. Sure, there are times when I’ve got PMS and scarf down a bag of chips or when I have a friend over and he continuously pours (and pours, and pours, and pours) the wine… but those times haven’t been very often and I feel like I should still be seeing results.
The only weight loss I’ve seen so far occurs at the very beginning of my menstrual cycle. Immediately after my period I drop nearly ten pounds, but then throughout the month I gain every single one back, and the cycle repeats itself. It’s ridiculous, and it’s no wonder I feel like a fucking whale when I have my period. Fucking estrogen, you’re ruining my life!!
So I’ve been reading lately about how most women who carry their weight around their hips and thighs have a lot of extra estrogen in my body. This is a huge catch-22 though, because the more estrogen your body has the more weight you hold onto, but the more fat you have the more estrogen your body produces.
Like… bloody hell… give me a break already, I’m trying!!
So, unfortunately, I’m thinking that even those few occasions where I let myself splurge a little bit, are going to have to stop. No more evening wine (*tear*), no more PMS chips (no, no, not the chips!), and no more going out to eat with colleagues (that one’s a toughie as most occasions of this are networking events or team builders that I’m required to attend).
Also, no more shopping only for the week. Living alone is hard because things get spoiled so quickly, but I’m going to have to find a way around that. If it means stopping at the store on my way home from work for produce every two days then so be it.
Now that I really feel like I’ve achieved the creation of my first new habit- walking to work- I can start on the second, the really hard one… being more organized with meal planning.
Wish me luck?
“It is only when we silence the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.” ~K.T. Jong