I went through a lot with my ex. A LOT. So much so that it took me two years to even entertain the thought of having another relationship… and even now, coming up quickly on three years, I’m still very hesitant at the idea.
I am not afraid to be alone, but I am afraid that I might pass up something great.
I suppose it’s my pride that’s really getting in the way. After my ex and I split, I felt naive and stupid. I was humiliated. I swore I was never going to make those mistakes again. I was never going to feel that way about myself again.
The last three years for me, have been about rebuilding my life and my confidence. I am twice the woman I was when I met my ex, and I feel unbelievably good about that. The problem is that I have a lot more at stake now. I’m afraid of making myself vulnerable again, because I don’t want to crash and burn. If I were to make another wrong relationship choice, I could lose everything I’ve worked so hard for… and so I have walls up.
Really big ass walls.
…and I’m not sure how to find that happy medium, that place where I can be safe and still take chances. But that’s why they call it “taking chances” right? Because without risk, there is no reward.
Well, I’m not sure I’m okay with that theory. But I’m trying.